March 2023 - Story of Pain

Our pain is telling us a story. We have to stop running from it or living in denial of it, in order to understand what that story is.

A part of my story included an inability to connect fully with my emotions – I knew what it meant to be happy, to be angry and be sad, but that was it. So, I decided to look back over my history, over my story, to see how this came to be – and it became very clear.

See, when I was raised, I was taught to shut down or stuff my feelings. Knowing what I know now, this is simply because my own parents didn't know how to process their emotions. But, as a little kid, I was not able to make that assessment. Instead, I learned emotions would land me in my room or in time out, so it's better not to have them. It was better not to process through my pain.

According to John Bradshaw, this is a common parenting method of dysfunctional families, as children are often taught to inhibit the expression of emotion in three ways:

• Not being seen, so a child is simply not responded to

• Having no healthy models for naming and expressing emotion

• Being shamed or punished for expressing emotion

See, our brain needs to be able to have emotions in order to process through the pain and be brought back to equilibrium. If not, that emotion can get stuck in our bodies and create havoc as time goes on. In my own story of healing, I had to get connected with emotions again. I had to take time to become aware of what I was feeling - to name it and allow myself to express it - so that I could properly process through pain.

So the next time you experience pain, give yourself the gift of processing through the range of emotions connected to it - this is the best way to ensure it gets released from your body. And ask your heart, “When was the first time you remember feeling this way?” This will provide you the answers you need for your own story of pain.